My confessions:
Today started out great! An egg with 15 grain toast with low calorie cheese and a banana, drank plenty of water at 5:40 am. "Lunch" as it is called at work (at 10:30 am) consisted of carrots and celery with hummus and some strawberries.... but I caved! Got a snickers bar out of the vending machine thinking -well, it has nuts in it!... But then I scored 2 Oreo cookies around 2 pm and around 3 I decided to go get taco bell rather than make something. It would have been OK, depending on my selection, but nope! I HAD to have extra sauce on my cheese quesadilla. Oh, and a caramel apple empanada. At least I had the good sense to drive to McDonald's for a $1 unsweetened ice tea, rather than getting a soda.
Yesterday also started out ok. Protein smoothie with a banana (small one), lots of spinach, chia seeds, lax seed and coconut milk. Mango and almonds for a snack... then I get home and put away 10 oz of steak- granted it was a lean cut and I have been running low on iron lately, but I topped it with caramelized onions and sauteed mushrooms. Finished that off with a Schwan's cone with chocolate candies, sugar cone... so much sugar. Had at least 5 war heads candies (got them Saturday, should have resisted!). I napped all afternoon, skipped dinner and decided to have 240 calories of lemon cookies.
The last several days have gone the same way - pizza, chicken wings, McDonalds, sugar, sugar, more sugar. MAKE IT STOP!!!
Ridiculous since my last post was about eating good calories. I think that since I lost the 22 pounds (212 in Mid March to 190 now), I started to become more comfortable and celebratory. So, here I am thinking:
But I really need to keep going! I am still not under 30 BMI (the cut off for obesity). I need to be at least 185 for that. And my over all goal weight is to be below 160.
I have been letting my emotions and excuses get the better of me and I need to stop! I have some serious pain issues that have been making exercise a challenge. (I meet with the doctor tomorrow, so I'll write a blog about that later). But, pain is no excuse to go on a sugar bender. See, this is why I loved South Beach diet. It helps to control blood sugar and cravings. Over the last 5 weeks, though, I have been being more relaxed about my diet.
I can blame it on the basement flooding. I can blame it on finals. I can blame it on starting work at the nursing home full time. I can blame it on whatever I want, but the fact of the matter is, blame doesn't get me any closer to my goal, just enables my poor choices by diverting the attention onto something else that doesn't matter.
I want to be healthy. I don't want to be pre-diabetic. I don't want to become diabetic. I don't want to hurt any more. I know I can do it!!! I've already made it 1/3 of the way.
Why do we fall into the habit of putting off til tomorrow that which we could do today and should have done already?! I think the hardest thing is KNOWING what I need to do to reach my goals, but not having the intestinal fortitude (as my dad calls it) to get there. If I know HOW to do it, then I know I CAN do it too!
Final thoughts: Some commandments from PositiveMed on mental health. At this point, (the diet part at least) is all a mental game and i know I have it in me to win!
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